Needed Wisdom on Rape from a Former Judge

"We were insulted by the word "date" rape. "Date" rape does not exist. It's a misnomer; It's like saying "car-jack." Car-jack is robbery. Rape is rape. That's it."-former judge Robert Holdman on his time as Chief Trial Counsel, Child Abuse and Sex Unit, Bronx District Attorneys Office, Bronx, New YorkA colleague and mentor, former New York State Supreme Court Justice Robert Holdman, was invited to participate in a Huffpost Live broadcast on the Steubenville rape case as the trial was being heard. He was joined by Alexander Abad Santos of the Atlantic Wire, and also Zerlina Maxwell and Jaclyn Friedman. Friedman and Maxwell in particular are well-known warriors in the fight against rape culture, and I've had the honor of working with and learning from Jaclyn personally. The broadcast is an excellent discussion of the Steubenville dynamics and the larger problem beyond it. It's still well worth watching even as the case fades slowly away from the news cycle.What made Holdman's comments so important is that they came from the perspective of a former trial judge. While most U.S. judges are honorable professionals worthy of the power of the robe, the judiciary is still a place where we don't see enough understanding of the dynamics and reality of sexual violence. This is particularly true with non-stranger sexual violence, the kind women and men experience far more than any other.Every criminal defendant deserves a full and robust defense, and also a judge who is sensitive to the circumstances of an individual facing the power of the government, regardless of the charges. Holdman would surely agree, and his comments rightfully included the responsibility of judges to be neutral and fair to defendants facing criminal prosecution. Being a good trial judge doesn't mean- from my perspective or any other- assuming guilt in any criminal case or anything close to it. But an ignorance of the reality of sexual violence, particularly between individuals who know each other, and an over-reliance on the myth and innuendo so pervasive in our culture regarding rape and sexual assault, lead far too many judges to render irrational and unjust decisions in these types of cases.Important professional opportunities have taken Holdman- for now- from his duties as a trial judge. Still, I hope the messages he has conveyed reach the men and women who make the crucial decisions that shape sexual violence cases nationwide and beyond. I also hope he finds his way back to the bench as his career progresses; his kind of clarity on this subject needs to be as common on the judicial bench as it needs to be everywhere else.  

Preventing Another Steubenville: Middle Ground on Education and Rape

"Preventing another Steubenville" is on the minds of many as the case slowly passes from the news cycle. What most observers want, understandably, is to prevent not "just" the victimization experienced by the 16 year-old girl at the center of the case, but also the pain that was dealt to everyone- perpetrators included- by the system. Most well-intentioned people feel for the victim first. But she, thankfully, was not showcased in the investigation and trial. The lives, stories and choices of Trent Mays and Mal'ik Richmond were. Mostly for that reason, many national news outlets made them the story and received criticism (mine included) for an over-focus on their good grades, their "promising careers," etc, rather than on her. Their choices, at least, are what condemned them. Their victim could make no choices, and lives with what happened to her anyway. Regardless, seeing young men physically crumble in court and utter things like "My life is over. No one will want me now," is heartrending. And it should be. I prosecuted child abuse and sexual violence cases for years. I prosecuted juveniles like Mays and Richmond for crimes like this. I prosecuted males who were technically adults but children in every meaningful way; I saw them convicted, sentenced and bound for a correctional system in Virginia that I knew however uncomfortably would likely tear them to shreds. That was the system. I was ethical, but I was dispassionate. I was a prosecutor, not a healer.But like any decent person, I'd love to see a path toward preventing rape, not just responding to it. What doubts I have regarding the ability to proactively raise boys to be non-sexually violent (at least in the short run), I expressed last week here and here. What they boil down to is that I believe most men are not sexually violent, but that the minority who are, are malformed in early life for reasons we can't yet grasp- and they are basically unreachable.That said, since most men and almost all women are not sexually violent, I believe bystander intervention can be effective in preventing the kind of non-stranger rape that we see the vast majority of the time. Programs like Project Green Dot, already being implemented on college campuses (a good friend was instrumental in a Green Dot program at the University of Mississippi) have amazing potential to create an innovative environment of protection between students from every perspective. It's simple and it's genius. Everyone- male or female, gay or straight, greek or independent, protects each other from situations that probably won't, but certainly could, end with a crime occurring. But in my mind, this doesn't generally enlighten and ennoble offenders; it instead foils them by clearing the fog of alcohol, isolation, and toxic masculinity within which they hunt.But is there educational purchase in grass-roots programs like Green Dot (or innovative productions like Sex Signals) that seek to challenge hyper-masculinity and rape culture? Are there "on the fence" guys who could learn to grow differently? Who would digest the broadcasted signals of decency and respect and be better for them?How could I hope not? Irin Carmon, a writer for Salon, last week published what might be the most balanced and informed opinion that embraces the same research I have, but allows for the hope that probably needs to be a part of the conversation as well. I stand beside the admonitions I've made in the past: "Forgiving" rape as a lapse in judgment by an otherwise "decent" guy is a pernicious mistake in most cases. But I'll acknowledge that there is hope in social engineering and pushing forward a cultural change in how boys and men view sexuality. I only ask (as I imagine Carmon would) that we continue to observe two core considerations: First, be realistic about prevention and don't create rules for women to follow "or else," i.e., or else it was her fault. Second, don't assume rape is a mistake, particularly based on the appearance, reputation, and social status of the rapist. Victim blaming isn't the answer, and neither is forgiving as "foolish" something usually far more sinister. With those things in mind, let's move forward.

Media Rundown on Steubenville from ThinkProgress.org: It's Her Fault

Left-leaning Think Progress posted an excellent and highly instructive series of paragraphs today (with clear documentation) on how various national media outlets chose to report on the verdict handed down yesterday in the Steubenville sexual assault case.CNN, ABC and NBC all focused primarily on the promising careers and positive aspects of the convicted teenagers. USA Today and the Associated Press focused on the fact that the victim was drunk, as if she were frankly complicit in bringing on what happened to her.Yahoo, though, went the furthest in blaming her, suggesting that her choice to report being repeatedly sexually violated, filmed and humiliated, was to blame for tearing the town apart.So it's her fault for "ruining the lives" of such promising young athletes. Her fault for being drunk. Her fault for coming forward and "tearing a town apart."And we wonder why so few victims report.  

Military Justice and Sexual Violence: An Ideal, or a Tool for Commanders?

“The purpose of military law is to promote justice, to assist in maintaining good order and discipline in the armed forces, to promote efficiency and effectiveness in the military establishment, and thereby to strengthen the national security of the United States." -Manual for Courts-Martial, Preamble, Section 3, Nature and Purpose of Military LawIn an honest discussion about what the US military values and pursues in terms of addressing wrongdoing within its ranks, it would be unfair not to point out that the promotion of justice is the first of three clauses defining its very purpose in the MCM, or Manual for Courts-Martial. That being said, in 32 months of civilian employment with the United States Army as an experienced sex crimes prosecutor, hired to assist the JAG in addressing sexual violence within the ranks, I heard far less about the first clause and much more about the second. As a singular concept, “good order and discipline” is at bottom the condition most crucial to enabling our military to do what must do. I was told again and again that military justice had to be understood in a different context than that of the civilian world. Justice in the military is an ideal, but more practically a “commander’s tool” to maintain good order and discipline.A commander is an officer responsible for the development, maintenance, and actions of a particular military unit. Junior commanders include Army captains in charge of 150 or so soldiers in a company. A senior commander might be a general commanding tens of thousands of soldiers in a Corps. Regardless of their level of responsibility, all commanders must maintain good order and discipline. Without it, everything else they seek to preserve- including the very lives of their warriors- is at risk. So a cohesive, obedient and ordered fighting force is the ultimate goal. Most everything else, at least in terms of the mission to be carried out, is secondary.Two things should clarified here: First, the JAG officers I encountered, in addition to commanders, were almost always deeply decent, honorable men and women who abhorred, among other things, sexual violence perpetrated by one of their own. Second, the concept of “justice” as we normally view it in the Judeo-Christian context, is appropriately intertwined with good order and discipline. Of the things that inspire servicemen and women to follow the rules and act as a unified fighting force, a belief that they’re treated equally and justly is probably first among them. So it’s not that justice isn’t a concern of military commanders. Rather, it's a concern tempered by other imperatives, most not typically experienced or appreciated by civilian observers.Enter sexual assault and military priorities.More of the civilian world now knows, from the sexual assault case out of Aviano, Italy, that high-level commanders (with the authority to convene general courts-martial, or simply Convening Authorities) can overturn the findings of a military tribunal. No reason for doing so is required, and the action of the convening authority is not reversible.Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) last week questioned a panel of Judge Advocates General about how justifiable it was to allow one commander to negate the findings of a military tribunal after months of litigation (the convening authority who overturned the panel verdict in the air force case never spoke to the victim). Gilibrand argued forcefully that the sole authority to negate the findings of a general court martial was anything but emblematic of or conducive to “good order and discipline.” Instead, she argued, the power of one commander to undermine the efforts of a full and concerted legal process only chills reports and emboldens perpetrators. This, in turn, eats away at good order and discipline by compromising the backstop of enforcement that aims to keep all servicemen and women safe from harm by- first and foremost- each other.I suspect Gilibrand is right. But the issue of justice as an ideal versus justice as a means to an end must be fully understand by civilian decision makers before changes are made, if they are to be. Understanding the military view (as I understood it) did not change my perspective. But it helped to know why a different perspective existed.

Rape Prevention Through Education: If It Doesn't Work, It's More Dangerous Than Just Wasting Resources

Vancouver's "Don't Be That Guy" ad campaign was credited for a 10% drop in reported sexual assaults for 2011 after its inception that summer. This begs the question, though, of how exactly the campaign's effectiveness could be measured, whether there is both causation as well as correlation, and, if so, what worked?I have doubts about the ability of education to reduce sexual violence on the part of offenders, simply because I believe that most men don't need it and the relatively few who do won't respond to it. This isn't just some intuition I claim through experience. As I've written before, recent and replicated research on the most common type of rapist by far does not dovetail with the idea that we can teach the instinct to sexually offend out of a rapist- or even a boy who hasn't yet offended, but likely will for a yet unknown reason. That's part of the problem. We don't know what causes boys, usually in adolescence, to begin viewing sexuality so pathologically. Our assumptions, like victimization in their childhood, have been revealed as dubious at best by psychologists like Anna Salter and others. It's frightening and frustrating, but believing myths simply because they are comforting only makes predators more powerful and elusive.Of course I can't state with certainty that early intervention on the nature of consent or appropriate sexual interaction won't lead to the better development of a potential offender. I also can't say that a detected offender couldn't be shown the error of his ways or benefit from whatever form of education his own detection might produce (investigation, prosecution, public repudiation). But I wouldn't bet on either scenario. Reasonable people can argue limitlessly what works, what doesn't, and what we're dealing with. But we might as well begin with what we know. There has been some excellent study on acquaintance rape in the last 15 years, and, at bottom, here's what it's mined:1. Most men who rape do so over and over again until they are detected, and very few are.2. Rape is usually a planned, pre-mediated attack, not an honest mistake by a socially inept person.Remember: There's more at stake here than just wasting resources if education doesn't work, or work well enough. If we believe that an act of rape is caused by a lack of some crucial, social education, we will be more likely to forgive it as such and demand less accountability.  Acquaintance rape in particular is already committed far too often with impunity. The rapists are often socially accepted in their environments or at least non-threatening in appearance. So when we believe the rapist, already nicely ensconced within the environment, is really just misguided (a bumbling oaf, perhaps who just "didn't understand consent" and "ended up" committing a rape), we go down a very dangerous path.Imagine what follows: We believe a rape occurred. We even understand what a life-altering, traumatic event it was for the victim, male or female. But we also believe it was committed not by a serial predator but an "unenlightened" guy in need of intervention. We think he's been "scared straight" by the system or otherwise, perhaps, at least now better educated. So how much will we want to punish him? And how likely, now that he's been "taught," is he to reoffend? Take this view, and the answers will boil down to 1) not much, if at all; and 2) not likely.  Zerlina Maxwell's appeal to education to reduce sexual violence seems to be more targeted toward boys who have not yet offended. I'd love to believe there is purchase there, and maybe there is more than I understand. I absolutely agree, in any event, with teaching boys non-patriarchal respect and decency toward women. This is desperately needed, but it's also constantly undermined by the "sex sells," deeply objectifying culture we live in. Still, I believe naturally, non-offending males can embolden each other as peers to stop rape by acting as bystanders and intervening before attacks can be planned or executed (women can do so as well). My point? If there was a real effect with the Vancouver campaign, I'm willing to bet that was a bigger part of it.   

Zerlina Maxwell and Sexual Violence: We Agree On One Aspect, Not on Another

I have great respect for Zerlina Maxwell and no desire to contradict her on what are thoughtful and well stated positions on the prevention of sexual violence. I support fully the central argument she makes:Stopping rape is an issue men must take up rather than women.She’s right, and that cannot be underscored enough (I've addressed the issue previously here). Women cannot “stop rape” by being better behaved, smarter, more intuitive, or even by being better self-protected (i.e., with a firearm). Colorado state senator Evie Hudak has absorbed  much criticism for challenging a witness at a legislative hearing on the efficacy of firearms in the protection of women.  But while Hudak’s remarks might have been perceived as inartful, they are not baseless. The vast majority of sexual assaults on women are perpetrated by men they know, and whom they’ve invited into their physical environments with their guards down; thus, in situations where a gun- no matter how proficient the owner- would make no difference. The gun lobby and its gun-worshipping echo chamber have of course demonized Hudak, Maxwell, and everyone else who dares to contradict the intoxicating, Hollywood scenario of street justice meted out by a gun-toting woman against some horrific offender. But the sad fact is that guns don’t prevent the kind of rape most often perpetrated on women, men or anyone else. It just doesn’t work that way (as an aside, it’s funny to me how conservatives blame Hollywood for everything but will stand beside the “Death Wish” narrative as a real prescription for addressing interpersonal violence).To be clear: I would never discourage any woman- a stranger or my little sister- from owning and training with a handgun for personal defense. Nor would I refrain from applauding heartily if her possession of the gun, willingness to use it, and skill and good fortune in its use resulted in the neutralization of someone who meant her harm. But I deal in reality and not macho fantasy. I know that a gun is a sword and not a shield; that simply owning one is several steps away from its utility as a protective measure. And I know that that reality almost never involves a Tarantino-esque bloodbath against the unjust and in favor of the righteous.My only disagreement with Ms. Maxwell’s prescription for a safer world is with her apparent belief that men (and more to the point boys) can be taught to be less sexually aggressive, i.e., “taught not to rape.” Research does not bear this out. In fact, most men are not sexually violent. Many if not most have learned objectifying and unhealthy attitudes toward women and sexuality, but most will recognize discomfort or terror, or a state of unconsciousness (or semi-consciousness) on the part of a potential victim and back off. Most men don’t need to be taught to refrain from sexual violence.Again, to be clear: This does not mean for a second that I don’t favor teaching boys as they grow into manhood more about decency, equality, and non-patriarchal gentleness toward women. It only means that, when it comes to the urge, desire or proclivity to commit felonies, the violators are generally not teachable, and the non-violators are not in need of that kind of instruction. A healthier societal attitude toward women will probably encourage more bystander intervention (which I do think is a good area to invest time and effort) and may generally make men think twice before objectifying in the first place. But that’s a distant dream in a media environment saturated with sex and objectification, and currently selling everything from toothpaste to tires.The most perplexing and frightening aspect of sexual violence is the mystery of its origins. Most who believe in an ordered universe assume that evil is not innate but inculcated, and thus preventable or at least reversible. Would that I could agree, but it’s not what recent and replicated research on the subject suggests. Similarly, supposed “equalizers” like handguns are floated as panaceas, but they are not the answer either- and they carry terrifying potential downsides.The answer, as Ms. Maxwell suggests, lies within the perpetrator. Unearthing it, sadly, is still an elusive proposition.     

Marsha Blackburn & VAWA. Would it Protect Too Many Women?

Marsha Blackburn represents an odd shaped district in Western Tennessee. She's a Republican and considered to be among the most conservative women in the House of Representatives. I'm anything but a Republican, but when it comes to anti-violence issues and law and order, I find common ground with many in the GOP. John Ashcroft, the US Attorney General under George Bush, was not someone with whom I agreed on most issues, but his efforts to protect children from online exploitation in particular (at a time when Internet and computer facilitated abuse was exploding) was a welcome focus as far as I was concerned.Blackburn was an original supporter of the re-issue of the Violence Against Women Act in May of last year. VAWA has, since 1994, provided billions of dollars in funds for various aspects of the response to sexual and intimate partner violence. It's also led to changes in Federal and state laws that have made it easier to hold offenders accountable and spare victims some of the worst indignities and unfairness of the system.The liberal online publication Think Progress flat out insists that Blackburn opposed the Senate version of the bill (which finally passed last week) because it seeks to provide specific, targeted protection to women who are gay and lesbian, Native American women on reservations, and undocumented aliens. I haven't heard Blackburn admit to that in those words, but her own reasoning for voting against the latest iteration of VAWA doesn't leave much room for an alternative explanation.When questioned on MSNBC about why she voted against the latest iteration, Blackburn first asserts that whatever was in the Senate version would "dilute" the efforts of previous versions. She mentions the importance of shelters for domestic and sexual violence and also child advocacy centers (CAC's are generally funded by non-VAWA grant programs) and decries the law becoming "an anti-violence act" instead of something she considers more "targeted and focused."Targeted and focused on whom? is the question begged.After a few seconds of universally agreed upon loftiness about the issue, she's directed back to what she didn't like in the final version she voted against. It's then she utters the already infamous statement about not liking how it was expanded "to include other different groups."These "other different groups" are groups of women. Females of her species that, in fact, have been traditionally victimized at far greater rates than whatever "groups" of women Rep. Blackburn appears to find worth protecting. Native women are notoriously underserved and overrepresented as victims of domestic and sexual violence. Those who are thrust into the shadows by their legal status (undocumented persons) or for cultural and religious reasons (Lesbian, Gay, Transgendered and Bi-Sexual) are far too often terrorized into silence and grossly under-supported when they do seek help.The interviewer didn't press the Congresswoman further to identify the groups she was referring to, and instead let her end the segment with diversionary politic-speak about how she's sponsored this and attended that in her home district (again referring largely to Child Advocacy Centers which are a great idea but not the focus of VAWA).  Glaringly obvious, though, is the path the bill took and the emergence of religious and conservative opposition to the provisions designed to address under-served populations. Being a part of that opposition, Blackburn should better explain why.Conservative opposition to government spending programs regardless of their intent and scope is nothing new and nothing shameful. But Blackburn's issue isn't the money as she supported the original House version. Maybe her concerns include VAWA's effect on the jurisdictional boundaries of Indian tribunals as it did for Eric Cantor. That's about as charitable a characterization as can made with regard to that "group," and if so she should attempt an argument. As for other women often relegated to the margins of society like the undocumented or LGBT?  Perhaps she thinks there isn't a need for additional focus against violence toward them. If so, she is startlingly ignorant. But I'm not betting on that. I'll bet on bigotry instead; the sad but apparent fact that Blackburn values some women over others, period. I'll stand by that until proven incorrect. 

Comments on the Jordan Johnson Rape Case: The Way We Still Think

Below are a handful of comments from one single Montana Missoulian news story on the Jordan Johnson rape case which concluded with an acquittal this week. The overwhelming majority of commenters sided with the defendant based on the type of ignorance, myth and misinformation seen below. In one case a survivor of rape while in college claimed that "Jane Doe" (complainant) wasn't a valid victim because Doe's reactions weren't the same as those she had.If this sample of the commenting, news-reading public was reflective of the jury pool that decided the case, the prosecution never had a chance.“If he had man handled her the way she says, she would have had clear bruising on her torso, and if it penetrated her where she said, the rape kit would definitely have shown massive trauma. The facts just don't add up.”“If a girl doesn't want to risk getting raped, then don't put yourself in a dicey situation. She knew he was possibly drunk, then picked him up and hung out by themselves. What would THAT tell any guy?” “Bottom line: Two stupid people” “I must have missed something. I would like to know how you can claim rape when you have two male roommates, whom you should trust, next door and you don't scream. They must be making the walls in rental houses more sound proff than they used to. When I was in college my roommates would have had their water glass plastered against the wall so they wouldn't miss the action.” “If a woman/girl does not want to 'invite' trouble, you do NOT make a conscious effort to pick up a drunk guy and then take him back to your place to be together. Any guy would definitely call that a direct invitation to do more, not too mention nobody knows what their prior history is either. There's always been PLENTY of ditzy, stupid, girls trying to 'bag' the hot sports jock as well. Lesson to be learned: some people have to STOP putting themselves in bad situations in the first place. Both of these idiots made the same bad decision under a jointly dumb circumstance. He wasn't her boyfriend, they weren't dating, he was clearly cheating, and she didn't care that he was intoxicated. Case closed.” “I think these people [advocates, medical personnel, police] "pushed" her into bringing this to court. What started out as a young lady feeling "jilted" or "used" telling a small fib, quickly snowballed. These "advocates" had an agenda. They believed that football players got special treatment, and felt "privileged". They wanted to put a stop to that.” “I am a 64 year old grandma I would not want my grandaughter raped and I would not want my grandson falsely accused of rape. I can say from my perspective he did not commit rape according to Montana law. He did commit stupidity. Please let this young man go and make something of his life. Ms Doe just own up and take responsibility.” “Based on the testimony that I have read thus far, I would characterize the events of that evening as a "BAD DATE" for both parties.” “I hope this is a lesson for all you guys out there. Make the gals sign a contract before going on too bigger and better things. Don't complicate your life.”Indeed, "gals." Maybe a contract will stop you from being raped. Maybe "better behavior."Failing that, if you are raped, your body had better showcase it in terms of "massive trauma" that we all know always manifests itself. And you'd better react the way the world around you damn well believes you should. If you don't, we'll call you stupid, jilted, bitter, foolish, greedy, crazy. A liar.Yeah, that's right. You're better off keeping quiet.

Courage: An Army Rape Survivor Speaks Out

An important blog called My Duty to Speak exists to give military sexual violence survivors a forum to share their experiences. The one shared most recently is particularly haunting. An unrelated hazing incident after the attack added further trauma. But nothing equals the apparent confession the attacker made during an "amnesty day" in front of drill sergeants who took no action. Incidents like this underpin, among other things, an alarming suicide rate. Good on this person for possessing the courage to come forward and speak up.

The Onion & Quvenzhané Wallis: Perspective from Scott Mendelson

I've been a fan of the Onion since I knew it existed. I follow the magazine on Twitter, but missed the now notorious tweet that referred to a 9 year-old child as a "cunt." When I became aware of it, I wanted to write about it with indignation and righteous anger. The Onion has apologized and promised to tighten restrictions on who can send tweets under its avatar. Regardless, I was infuriated and hoped everyone else was.And then I read Mendelson's take on the controversy in the Huffington Post. He makes provocative points, among them the one that frankly shut me up:"What exactly is the right age to be called a cunt in public, be it overtly or through insinuation? What exactly is the right age to start being judged on their attractiveness or fashion choices?"Like many people, I've been ready to condemn the Onion for releasing a vicious tweet about a child. But like almost as many, I've failed to see how drawing a distinction in terms of the age of the target, while understandable on its face, really doesn't make that much of a difference.It was wrong. Utterly. But so is the society we've set up, in terms of what it would likely tolerate- and will tolerate- to be stated about the young, lovely and talented Ms. Wallis when she is old enough to objectify mercilessly without shocking the conscience. 

From Margaret Atwood, Author of The Handmaid's Tale

"Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them."

Suzzan Blac: Where Art Is War

TRIGGER WARNING: The images created by artist Suzzan Blac are remarkably disturbing. For survivors of sexual violence in particular, they may be very difficult to view. Nevertheless, they are exquisitely created and hauntingly compelling. Ms. Blac, a survivor herself, uses oil paint to create surreal but remarkably lifelike images depicting women and children used in pornography, abuse and sexual torture. For me, her most brilliant achievement with a brush are the expressions in the faces she creates. The look in the eyes of her subjects- some victims and some predators- is truer to form than anything I've ever seen depicted. She is well worth discovering.

Steubenville: A Modest Proposal. Or A Moral Requiem

Every town, indeed every settlement, hosts its demons. Towns generally spring up where wealth can be created. Some of that wealth is inevitably dispersed from fools and victims to the hands of those more clever and ruthless. The rituals of corruption between gathered humans are themselves as human as laughter and tears. There are no exceptions.But if accounts can be trusted, it seems that Steubenville, Ohio, blessed with extractable fossil fuel and its position on the railroad between Pittsburgh and Chicago in the American industrial ascent, hosted more than its share of demons in the 20th century. It was dubbed “Sin City” at one point as mafia elements thrived with prostitution and gambling, abetted by local industry and town leadership.Now the 20th century is history and Steubenville is struggling against decay and decline. So why pick on it? Because it’s clear that a natural desire to remain relevant, and elements of the corruption that once defined Steubenville have now morphed into a cocktail of denial and tolerance for sexual assault by its last vestige of greatness: Big Red Football.The events of August 11th and 12th, 2012, namely the abduction, gang-rape and desecration of an unconscious teenager at a series of parties attended by members of the Steubenville High School football team, are now national news. They might have been anyway as (thankfully) awareness of the occurrence of sexual violence within the protection of institutions is increasing.But for Big Red Football, the attention has been focused more readily because of the reluctance of witnesses to come forward and the disturbing abrogation of responsibility from the team’s coaching staff. The police chief has publicly stated his frustration at the lack of cooperation from potential witnesses, party-goers who might have important information or digital evidence. Other townsfolk have spoken to national media only anonymously for fear of retribution for standing up to the institution that is the SHS football program.As for the coaching staff, the reaction of the head coach, Reno Saccoccia, is perhaps the most telling in terms of its harkening to Steubenville’s mob-run past. According to the New York Times, Saccoccia was asked why he didn’t bench or otherwise discipline several players (other than the two charged) who were then known to have posted frightening comments and photos about the crime on social media sites, some as it was happening. Saccoccia’s response? “You made me mad now. You’re gonna get yours. And if you don’t get yours, someone close to you will.” Beautifully put, Coach. Indeed, a low level button-man in a movie couldn’t have put it better.An assistant coach, Nate Hubbard, provided the time-honored if baseless assertion that the victim must have made up the rape allegation because she had “come home” drunk (she was actually dumped there) and “had to make up something.” Actually, the victim at first didn't know what had happened to her. She was clued in by social media postings that added a further level of trauma to her and her family.In any event, there is no natural instinct to fabricate rape, let alone against a leviathan like Big Red.  Legions of young women (and I’d wager a surprising number of young men) are used sexually by sports heroes in every locale and on every level in our society. The vast majority do not report these interactions as crimes when they clearly are. What the victimized do instead is blame themselves. The victim at the center of this case had the wherewithal to come forward, and does so at her peril. Steubenville may not seem like much, but its most venerable institution remains supreme in the eyes of many who share her environment.If Coach Saccoccia and everyone in power had a grounded sense of right and wrong and a vision for a better future, they would impose on themselves a NCAA style “death penalty.” They would take the 2013 season off to re-commit themselves to healthy athletics rather than the continued parade of entitled violence and privilege done within their midst.It would be a grand gesture toward a better and more secure future for Steubenville, its athletes, and its young- even unborn- potential victims. And it will never happen.  

Angel Band Project: Nudging Me When I Needed It Most

There’s a fairly young but now well-used expression that goes “Let go and let God.”  For the last several weeks in particular, although it goes quite a bit farther back than that, I’ve been struggling with something that feels like the inverse:  “Let God, or let go.”  In other words, I feel like I’m nearing a “two roads diverged” choice in terms of my spirituality.   The choice is about how I’ll view God, and God’s love.  On one hand, I can accept a personally involved, loving God (as Christians should) and continue to try to make sense of the world He created within that framework.  On the other, I can let go and give in to long-held Deist tendencies that tell me that God is there, magnificent and basically benevolent, but that He loves us in a way we can’t- and aren’t supposed- to understand.  That even from within Catholicism, the prism I still view God through, I’ll come to believe that His presence in our lives- this one, anyway- isn’t what I was brought up to think.  I’m hardly the first person to struggle with this question.  Untold millions have viewed and suffered human horror that dwarfs my imagination; my life is charmed by comparison in every conceivable way.  Yet many have come down still on the side of traditional notions of Judeo-Christian worship.  I don’t know where I’ll end up, but despite the tonnage of horror I do see, I’ll admit there are times when God seems to remind me, if subtly, that things aren’t as clear as I’d like to think.  The Angel Band Project is one of them.The Crime.In July of 2009, Teresa Butz was 39, engaged to her female partner, active in charitable causes in the Seattle area, and a deeply loved daughter, sister, friend and member of her community.  As the two slept, a young man entered their home through a window with a knife.  He raped and began stabbing both repeatedly until Teresa decided to fight back.  She saved her partner’s life and lost her own.  The crime was one of the worst local police had seen in years.   This one act, spurred on by whatever unholy combination of drugs, instability and pure, undiluted evil, altered forever the life of one of these decent women and ended that of her soul mate in a paroxysm of blood and terror.  We in the system have ways of dealing with these things, sometimes involving alcohol, cigarettes, or 100 other forms of self-medication.   I usually get by with a few stiff drinks and can normally avoid the ontological angst.  But stories like this one, thankfully rare but still being made, are the building blocks of the dark doubt in my mind that there is rhyme or reason to anything in the world as we see it.The Project. Teresa’s story has an angelic twist, though, something that despite the horror and sadness surrounding her death, scatters the darkness and bubbles up fountain-like with something hopeful.  Something beautiful.  Something almost ordered.  Teresa’s partner, you see, is a conservatory trained vocalist.  Her brother is a Tony award winning musician and actor.  At Teresa’s funeral and memorial service, the singing and music experienced there inspired a project, which is Angel Band.  It involves these two and others who loved Teresa, hitting different studios around the country and recording a tribute collection of songs in her honor.  What I’ve heard so far is sometimes melodic and haunting, sometimes rock and roll heavy, but always captivating.  It’s a work still in progress, easy to follow either on Facebook or the band’s web page.   The proceeds will go to support a group I work with and admire greatly called The Voices and Faces Project.  Voices and Faces is a documentary project that specializes in memorializing- either through audio or video- the accounts of survivors of sexual violence.  Some are women in old age who for decades had never uttered a word of what they suffered.  Some were violated in war, some in marriage, some in childhood.  Their accounts put a deeply human face on sexual violence, something desperately needed in order to take one more step toward ending it altogether.  It is, yet again, a matter of light, even a spark, penetrating and then destroying darkness.I guess it’s the power of that light that, through both of these projects, threatens in benign fury the neat and unhappy picture of the world I have.  But light is just a symbol.  The real, beautiful, bountiful thing is order.  Order suggests a Creator.  Order suggests a destination as well as a journey, however tortured or smooth.  Order suggests a reason for a beating heart.  A reason for giving a damn at the end of another day.  This isn’t to suggest that the chasm created by Teresa’s death will be at all filled by the great gesture of Angel Band.  But it helps to see darkness- blind, random and cacophonous- scattered by light so wonderfully clear and guiding.Upon the assassination of John Lennon, Elton John noted in song “it’s funny how one insect can damage so much grain.”  Thanks to the acts of one particular insect, I’ll never know Teresa Butz.  I’ll never experience her warmth, her kindness, her spirit.  But thanks to the courage, love, and resolve of these remarkable people, I am blessed with a profound sense of what they saw in her, and more importantly, what just might lie beneath the surface- ordered, sane, and loving- of a far too broken and random looking world.

"Ask Amy" Falls Short

Quite a few people in my business have seen the response by syndicated advice columnist Amy Dickinson to a young woman in Virginia (my home state) who unfortunately wrote Ms. Dickinson late last month for guidance after she was raped at a fraternity party, but under circumstances that made her feel as if she was to blame (wholly or at least in part) for what happened.Basically, "Victim? In Virginia" attended a fraternity party, drank some alcohol, and was then talked into going into a bedroom by the guy who eventually raped her. She made it clear to him that she didn't want to have sex, and made him promise that he wouldn't attempt sex with her.An unwise move? Probably, but not necessarily inappropriate for the age and life experience this woman apparently had to work with, particularly under the fog of alcohol. Not surprisingly, once this rapist had her behind closed doors, all bets were off as far as he was concerned, and he raped her in a state of intoxication where she could scarcely figure out what was happening, let alone successfully resist.Following this nightmare, "Victim?" reached out to Amy Dickinson. Ms. Dickinson might have meant well, but the cold fact is she displayed a dangerous lack of understanding as to the dynamics of non-stranger sexual assault in her answer, not to mention how to counsel and advise a survivor of such an experience. Her biggest missteps, in my view, were these:1. She began her her response to this victim by chastising her for "awful judgment," reminding her that, after all, going to a fraternity party and getting drunk is really inviting what Dickinson describes as the possibility of "engaging in unwise or unwanted sexual contact."It ought to be axiomatic that "unwise" and "unwanted" aren't the same thing. Last I checked, after all, one does not "engage" in unwanted sexual contact any more than one "engages" in being robbed at knife point. Conflating these two things- unwise and unwanted sexual contact, exposes Dickinson's bias against young women who make choices she finds repugnant.2. She noted that the victim didn't say whether or not her rapist was "also drunk." Because, she says, "if so, his judgment was also impaired."Sigh.I'm sorry, but I'm choking on this. It's because frankly I know what I'm talking about, and a syndicated advice columnist clearly doesn't. Rape doesn't come out of a bottle, folks. Claiming that this guy's alcohol impaired judgment somehow brought forth this act is akin to saying that a gun found on the sidewalk turned a normally law-abiding citizen into a rampaging murderer. Alcohol doesn't create the desire to commit acts like rape. It only loosens the chains that might hold a sober rapist back for fear of taking the risk of something like getting caught. The guy who did this is a rapist. He was a rapist at .00 BAC, and he was a rapist at whatever level he obtained before he committed the act. (And incidentally, if he was truly so intoxicated as to be somehow delusional, he wouldn't be able to obtain or maintain an erection and complete the act.)3. Ms. Dickinson counsels the victim to seek out the truth of her victimization by involving "the guy in question to determine what happened." This is terrific. Involving the rapist- the guy who has already lied to this girl repeatedly and violated her- in determining "what happened" is not only futile but toxic. Dickinson appears to buy into the myth that accidents happen, boys will be boys, and drunken sex will sometimes look and feel a lot like rape even though it's really no one's fault.Nonsense. Rape isn't an accident, and there isn't an accidental rapist lurking in every boy or man. Rather, good and recent research suggests that there are relatively few men who are capable of rape, but they do it over and over again. This truism is one that -finally- Ms. Dickinson recognizes when she notes "he might have done this before." But she appears to believe that what he's done or what he'll do again is at least half the other party's fault. And worse, that a good heart to heart with one of his victims might help avoid this kind of behavior in the future.No, ma'am. A guy might be a dog. He might be a player. He might be a cad. But unless he's a rapist, he'll recognize terror, struggling, semi-consciousness and the simple word "no" (which this victim reports telling him many times) for what they are: Signs that, to quote Susan Serandon from Thelma and Louise, "she ain't having fun." This guy ignored those signs, because unlike most guys, (and like all rapists) he doesn't give a damn what his prey is feeling. What she wants, after all, really isn't the point.A great group of anti-sexual assault professionals I'm a member of called CounterQuo suggested that I write a response to the papers where she's syndicated, and thankfully some very good editors at CQ toned it down and added some great points. If it makes some difference and serves to educate Ms. Dickinson, we'll have done a day's work. BTW, check out CounterQuo- we're changing the conversation.