Necessary Conversations, But Stubborn Questions

My hat is off to Shea Streeter, the Notre Dame senior who took it upon herself last week in a letter to the Observer, an independent college newspaper serving both ND and St. Mary’s, to address campus sexual assault.  And not just generally, but her own victimization, which happened twice.  Ms. Streeter was reacting to an interesting production that has graced the ND community since 2005, a completely student-produced show called Loyal Daughters and Sons that showcases themes of sexual assault, gender, religion and sexuality generally in the atmosphere of a Catholic college campus.Ms. Streeter’s issue wasn’t with the show’s content, which is well-regarded and apparently quite popular.  Rather, she was dismayed at the reaction of the students after it was over (actually the lack of a reaction).  She wondered aloud how students exposed to stories about sexual violence in their very midst could so easily switch gears and discuss whatever was next on their calendar.  She followed this with a blistering challenge:  Aware of the "one in four" statistic regarding women on college campuses subjected to sexual assault (see a snapshot of campus crime generally at NCVC here), by her calculations she is among over 1000 victims at ND at the present time.  If that’s the case, she argues, then there’s a conversation that needs to be had- and she doesn’t want it swept under the rug.I salute this young woman’s courage, because it is remarkable.  Perhaps it’s driven in part by what I read from her tone, which is outrage, confusion, and understandable mystification at the silence that surrounds her on this devastating issue.  While her own searing experiences give her more of a right to comment than I do, she nonethless doesn’t suggest that she knows what produces sexual violence or motivates those who perpetrate it.  She mentions things like the degradation she apparently sees aimed by some ND men at the women who attend St. Mary’s. She mentions the college hook-up culture and binge drinking.  She demands respect and an appropriate reaction to the word “no” by the men in her community.  She has every right to demand those things.But there’s an awful rub that I nevertheless feel compelled to mention: Teaching men to respect women and to avoid objectifying them as “dumb and easy” or whatever else, is a laudable and necessary goal.  But it shouldn’t be confused with effective rape prevention.  I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but research backs me up here: Most women aren’t raped by simply disrespectful guys intoxicated by liquor and the hook-up culture.  The urge to rape- taking sex by force or while their victim is incapacitated- is not something that comes out a bottle or even a culture of hyper-masculinity or sexuality. Most women are raped by men who are predatory, who choose their victims carefully, and who do it over and over again.Ms. Streeter asks aloud, if there are over 1000 women at ND who are victims, how many perpetrators are there?  The answer is probably far fewer than most would believe.  But they are prolific and will not stop.  They won’t stop because someone points out that it’s wrong to objectify women.  They won’t respond when taught to respect, cherish and honor rather than to take, use and discard. They likely wouldn’t have responded as younger adolescents, and they won’t respond as older men. They might be chiseled athletes or they might be goth artists. They might be smiling, completely harmless-looking guys seemingly cut from the very cloth of American college normality.They are everywhere, and this is true far beyond Notre Dame.  I’ve had no issue sharply criticizing the leadership of this phenomenal university and cherished community, but I’d be deeply remiss if I suggested in any way that Notre Dame was worse than anywhere else.  If anything I’d like to believe, as a Catholic myself, that the values and ideals of the school- whether or not they are always met in the reality of the human condition- nevertheless provide a measure of inspiration to be better.  And indeed, I think the ND community does live up to those ideals in many areas.Every institution- academic, corporate, military, social- is plagued with this phenomenon. Is it related to the hook-up culture and the “dumb and easy” garbage that is spewed at women?  Yes, it is.  Is it related to the obscenity that is how we regard women and girls generally in Madison Avenue America?  Yes, it is.But for preventing sexual assault, the value of addressing these important issues is mostly in strengthening things like the bystander response.  That is, getting more boys and men (and women as well) to step in when an undetected rapist with a sweet smile and a college sweatshirt is ready to strike. It is also a crucial goal in and of itself, and may someday create a culture less coarse, degrading and tragically unfair.  But as for preventing the development of, or changing the makeup of the predators themselves?  Right now, I don’t think so.  Still, good on you, Ms. Streeter.  And thank you.