If an adult, even a young one, can be labeled by his actions, Chris Brown is a violent, narcissistic thug. The savage, lengthy beating he inflicted on his then-girlfriend Rihanna in 2009 earned him a felony conviction, something not particularly common in the world of intimate partner violence. I saw quite a few of those cases as a prosecutor, many of them violent and damaging, but few other than homicides that merited the possibility of a prison sentence. It’s a possibility Brown avoided, but happily so for many adoring fans who still refer to that drawn-out, bludgeoning attack as a “mistake.”
Since that mistake, Brown has shown again and again an explosive, boundary-bereft side and a frightening inability to even fully control himself.
Now, for whatever reasons, Rihanna has chosen to request a relaxation of the protective order she was granted against him, and to collaborate with him musically. Collaboration may be all it is. Or, she may be entertaining a friendship or something more with her attacker, a circumstance often encountered if rarely justified. She was a blameless victim in the pummeling she endured, and since I know nothing of her personally I won’t seek to judge whatever reunification she’s navigating with Chris Brown now.
But I will judge the “Birthday Cake” remix she is releasing and on which Brown joins her, because it’s classless and crass, even by the standards of Rihanna who often objectifies herself sexually in her music. But what makes this first collaboration since Brown’s arrest and conviction far worse is the past that underscores it. What Chris Brown adds to the magic of “Birthday Cake” includes the lines “Girl, I wanna f— you right now. Been a long time, I’ve been missin’ your body.”
Bravo, Chris! This is far more than an expression of what I suspect are your creative limits or your grasp of subtlety and real sexuality (which I rather enjoy, although I find it resonates more when it isn’t reduced to the sputtering of a worked-up child). It’s also a window into how you likely viewed this woman before you viewed her as a punching bag. She’s a toy as far as you’re concerned, and that’s how you want to treat her. First sexually. Then violently. Then sexually again.
Take a wild guess, dear reader, as to whether a pattern is forming here.
Lewdness in pop music is a fact of modern life. Many would criticize Rihanna for the overt sexuality she injects into her music and speculate darkly from it on how she views herself. I won’t. Frankly, she has the right to engage her sexuality in any way she sees fit and I won’t impose my model or that of anyone else in an effort to judge her. What she does artistically and how it might affect the millions of girls who look up to her is best discussed elsewhere.
For now, what’s clear is that Rihanna, a beautiful and talented young woman, was beaten- breathtakingly- by a man who now joins her in a song in which he celebrates the idea using her like a plastic doll. That’s wrong on more than one level. Unfortunately, I doubt either of them have a clue.
Absolutely right. Only a very small percentage of of battered women can resist the double-edged sword of their partner’s staged and usually tearful promises to change and the Stockholm Syndrome which perpetuates the abuse. I saw it all the time when I supervised the DV unit at Tucson City Court. Girls coming in bruised and stitched together to file an order of protection, and a week later they’re back. Vat the window, holding a rose and requesting the order be terminated. And I had the terrible experience of watching two women repeat this cycle several times who ended up being killed by their abusers, and another who was beaten so badly she sufferemd an apoxic brain injury and is now a vegetable. I can garuntee Rhianna will suffer another beating by this waste of skin known as Chris Brown, and I know from past experience the beatings only gets worse. I really really hope she can break free but I sincerely doubt it.
Thanks for the comment, Jeff. And you are absolutely not alone (unfortunately) as a professional who has worked with women and who are now dead because of the abuse they could not escape- for whatever reason.
The sticking point in an unhealthy relationship is the intensity. The attention the abuser pays to his ‘property’ is very attractive to the women they select. Some feel special when the boyfriend calls 10 times per day. Perhaps the audience attention isn’t personal enough to keep her sated. Chris Brown doesn’t strike me as a master manipulator, but I’ve been wrong before. I sincerely hope he doesn’t hold her responsible for the way the rest of the world reacted to his unctuous behavior. I didn’t get through the song clip, not my speed. This is where it is difficult to understand where Rihanna’s tough- talk songwriting stops and the human being picks up, I don’t want to read too much in.
It’s difficult to deal with the worst parts of human nature, I applaud you Roger.
I would criticize Rihanna for making videos that glorify and justify domestic violence and attempting to justify why she would go back to an abusive person. She explains it in her song “I love the way you lie” with this lyric that she repeats: “That’s alright, I love the way it hurts.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uelHwf8o7_U&ob=av2e
And as for the idea that she could be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, I think there are a lot of women who do what Megan Fox does in the video, i.e. beat the crap out of their boyfriends. This has nothing to do with Stockholm Syndrome, but everything to do with the view that they can abuse a man and not expect any adverse consequences to their actions.
I certainly was brought up with the policy that a man should never hit a woman, and after defending men and women in cases involving domestic violence, I have advised men that if a woman hits you, then you need to leave immediately and women should not hit men in the first place. However, it makes you wonder if on that fateful night Rihanna was hitting and slapping Chris Brown before he did what I would advise no man do.
But, if you watch the video, it really appears that Megan Fox is beating the crap out of the guy from Lost, and he grabs her arms to keep her from doing that. A lot of times a woman will then call the cops and say that he was the one who was beating the crap out off her and show the cops the red marks on her arms as evidence of abuse. What happens? Guy gets arrested because “someone has to go to jail.” I guess I should be happy because I get hired to show a jury what really happened.
I think Rihanna and Chris Brown both are sorry excuses for human beings, a/k/a oxygen thieves. Of course, we don’t want to judge Rihanna because that would be “victim blaming,” and we should really focus on the actions of Chris Brown, right? Just because she knowingly puts herself back into the position that she was in before because she “loves the way he lies,” the legal system and the taxpayers will have to clean up her mess because she “loves the way it hurts.”
Once again, its like the woman who goes up to Mike Tyson’s hotel room, or a woman who gets drunk and goes home with a stranger, or a man who drives down into the hood with a new Benz and gets carjacked, or a married woman who gets drunk and takes two men back to her hotel room after telling them how much she wants to be their human Chinese finger cuff: what did they expect???? And, are we supposed to pity them for what happens because of their decisions to place themselves into those positions? It is a sign of our times where people place themselves into the position of being a perpetual victim because they know they will be completely absolves from any personal responsibility whatsoever.
When the media inundates us with the next Rihanna & Chris Brown toxic relationship news story, (and I agree it’s coming), I will be the first, and hopefully not the only one, to say, “I don’t pity her because she should have known better.” As my buddy Fred says, “Life’s tough; it’s tougher when you’re stupid.”
Counselor, life is definitely tougher when you are stupid. I say this as someone who has been stupid, and occasionally continues to be. Indeed, I can trace most of my greater expenses- some very recent- back to stupidity of one kind or another.
If you have successfully defended clients in any case (and I know you have), I salute you. That’s your job, and whether or not the client you defended was factually guilty, your job has been to either mitigate or prevent criminal liability for that client, period. Obviously, if you’ve done so with a valid defense, I salute your efforts that much more. In so doing, you have protected justice against the misdirected power of the government- a necessary endeavor indeed.
I would only suggest that, in most cases, men (or women) who seek merely to restrain an out of control partner are not then unjustly brought up on charges of domestic or intimate partner violence. It happens- but I don’t think it happens nearly as much as the usual victim just being pummeled as such (we may have to agree to disagree on this). I don’t know if Rihanna hit or slapped Chris Brown before his felony assault on her. But as a southerner and a gentlemen, I’d bet a year’s pay that you would not have reacted to such slapping or hitting (from a woman who is maybe 105 pounds) the way that Chris Brown did. As I believe you state, your upbringing and your advice as an attorney (for males where females are concerned) is not to hit back. This is both wise and moral advice in my view. I’ve been hit by women- never mind why. I have either just taken it (again, don’t ask) or walked (or run) away. I’ve never hit back. I never would Why? Well, for one thing I’m 6’4″ and 240, and I’ve never dated a woman near that height or weight. Two, because my upbringing, like yours, taught me that it was not right to engage a woman that way. It is, what it is. Sexist perhaps. But I wouldn’t change it.
I agree that Rihanna is, in general, a negative influence, all things considered, on the world she influences (and influences greatly). This link might shed some light on the situation:
http://jezebel.com/5891506/rihannas-daddy-dearest-says-his-fat-daughter-should-get-back-with-chris-brown?utm_campaign=socialflow_jezebel_facebook&utm_source=jezebel_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow.
Her father, at least from what I gather from his statements, is a pretty miserable excuse for a dad.
Your question of “what did she expect” is an oft-asked one, but one for which I have a ready answer: Whatever “she” expected, she didn’t expect to be raped! I don’t understand why this is so hard to grasp. Yes, people do stupid things, with the extremely important caveat that those things appear more legitimately stupid in hindsight. But seriously, Mr. Fischer, no woman “expects” to be raped (meaning a loss of her physical integrity, her control over her own body) in any of the situations you mention. I understand your comparison to a person who drives an expensive car to a troubled area and then whines when s/he gets robbed, etc. But respectfully, they are not the same. A person who drives a nice car to a bad neighborhood and parks it carelessly certainly acts- objectively to most of us- in a reckless manner. Fine. It still doesn’t make him blameworthy for the actions of the criminal who victimizes him, but fine. He should have known better. Crime is rampant in the ‘hood, or trailer park (to use your last example) or wherever, and it’s a bad idea to park a nice car carelessly there.
But a person who goes upstairs with Mike Tyson, or goes home drunk with a stranger, is not engaging in the same kind of objectively reckless behavior for my money. To me, the person (usually a woman but not always- there are plenty of male on male situations) who goes to a secluded place with either a celebrity or a stranger in the circumstances you hint at probably expects a sexual advance. No question there. But do they expect to have to either 1) acquiesce to that advance of 2) be raped? Remember- “raped” as I use it here is a very loaded and ugly word. Do they expect, these foolish people as we’ll call them, to lose control of their body? To be held down, taken control of, penetrated with force? I don’t think so. They expect, probably, a come on. They also expect to be able to reject that come on if they choose to. They don’t expect a violent crime to occur. Is this naive? Perhaps, but it does not render them any less worthy of support and legal vindication in my mind if they are victimized in that manner.
Yes, we all have a certain responsibility for our personal safety. We should make “wise” choices, and I only put “wise” in quotes because I believe that traditional notions of what works and what doesn’t to prevent rape are flawed, as you’ll know if you’ve followed my posts here. But for the purposes of this discussion, sure- there are things that people do (go home with strangers, etc) that might more readily put them in harm’s way. But it’s a big leap then to blame them somehow for doing so. There is no vulnerability without danger. Ultimately, criminals make decisions to victimize. Of course, they victimize those who make choices (sometimes) that make it easier for them to target that person. But still- it is the criminal’s choice to victimize, not the victim’s choice to do something “stupid” that must be focused on.
As always, thanks for your comments.
Rihanna and Chris are basically two sick individuals who found eachother. Rihanna coming from a culture were booty shaking at 8 years is normal, and Chris growing up watching his dad beat the crap ut of his mom. Ofcourse he swore he would never become like his dad, but it always happens like that. However with all the mney they have, they should be able to set themselves straight, because they could have acces to high level private counseling.
You should write a blog about AKON who basically had dry sex on stage with a 14 year old girl abt 2 years ago.The carribean girl who was 14, looked like 18 and she was also grind dancing before it happened. She doesnt look bothered by the situation at all, which is not surprising because in this subculture it is very normal to dance like that. The media was outraged, but should who was to blame? Akon should have known better and ask for her ID card, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUiRvZo_7ZQ